Even though it is fun to not wear clothes; that’s how my kids were created. I have 5. But, I would say my two favorite things to wear are clothes, doesn’t matter the brand. And shoes. As long as they are mostly a skateboarding style, I like them. I am not huge on my appearance unless there is some event I am going to. I do dress like a character from Tony Hawks Pro Skater or Skate games.

I typically will wear something fitting, jeans, sweatpants, even pjs; even when going out. This is just me. And that is how I like to be. It’s been tough being a stay at home dad, while mom works for this past year or so. It’s had its ups and downs. Loads of stuff that I can regret, be proud of, and change.

That’s what we are all in need of, change?

I think the best way to create change is to not worry what others think about us.

I know that is where I fall short. It causes a lot of social anxiety within me. Being in crowds and in groups, makes me, nervous. And here I am, basically cowering behind a screen, letting you know it.

I feel like I am nothing special. And that is a mindset I want to change. I want to be the person that lights up even your life. Even if that requires me to change. I enjoy the feedback. I enjoy the criticism. I think it is necessary for that change to happen.

I need more friends. People to set me back or move me forwards in life. Afterall, I think the biggest struggle is not knowing what to do during certain situations. And sometimes that can make it difficult to walk away from an argument.

Is it easy for you to walk away during a heated discussion or argument? Sometimes, I get so passionate about certain topics that it can seem argumentized, but, what happened to the good ole discussions that turn into a debate? It seems like those days are behind us. It seems like they are in front of us. But, sometimes it seems like people just get offended by any and all things that it becomes difficult choosing a topic.

My experience this past month… instead?

I had been living at my mom’s house. And that was abnormal to me. I couldn’t see my kids or so-called wife of eight years. It was pretty rough. But, to tell you the truth, it was a bit of a relief. I did a lot of self-reflection and know without-a-doubt know that I need to make changes. Not only in the way that I think. But, even how I react at times.

I can act really disconnected. Which, it involves me sort of trying to be as clever as possible. Sometimes, like I need to get the last word in. I can even be really toxic at times. Which, I really need to change my paradigm around how I am reacting. I need to thoroughly think things through before responding better. It can sometimes be a problem and I say the wrong things about how I feel.

I feel like the whole incident was more of a midlife crisis than anything.

Have you ever been put down, or, be someone to put someone down?

For me, that’s a yes. But, I can’t live like that forever. It’s come from multiple angles a majority of my life, even though, it might seem like it hasn’t. I have dealt with the rude antics too. I have noticed that I can be the harshest person you have met. Even if you didn’t really do anything wrong. I need to work on my patience thoroughly. I have noticed, depending on the circumstances, that I can be really toxic. I need to be better than that. I need to set a better example for my kids. Somehow, someway, I will find a way, to be better than how I have been. I am hoping that I can do it through writing or other projects. It will be a fun journey from here. I will do my best to document my lifestyle and mental-state changes. And anything else about me will always be in the about me section for itzninjafool. For hopes others might join my journey on plot-pulse.com. Everyday, the plot pulses.

Cool stuff Shay did for our family this past month:

We are too poor to afford streaming services and the internet at the moment. Without it costing us too much and daddy only doing crypto and other random things I should charge for. We are still doing well. Shay just bought a new 75″ Samsung TV and a PS5. After getting the Nintendo Switch paid off. Which is pretty nice to keep Xavier content. He is our oldest son. The TV basically covers the whole wall and would be perfect for movie nights. Daddy will figure out a way. I still have internet via hotspot (Thanks Rita). It’s awesome and I can still write and do small tasks that require internet.

My medication balance seems a bit ‘off’ still. It is hard to get my mind back to fully ‘normal’ because I don’t even really know what ‘normal’ would be if I tried to solve that puzzle. lol

On top of that, we got a new streaming camera. It will be perfect for catching some of this winters best home footage. for what we can still afford. Everything is through Rent-a-Center. And they seem to be pretty good. The Nintendo Switch thing sort of irritated us. We had originally wanted to pay for a used special edition, Mario one. Which had all the attachments to modify the controller ‘chucks into a controller that resembled, almost, an Xbox controller feel.

And, one day, it just stopped powering on after a charge. I get my kids left it on the floor or whatever then it died. But, it wouldn’t power on after two days of letting it sit with just the charging cable. So, Shay took it back. When she returned, we had just the console and ‘chucks. I figured that she would have returned with a similar console. Or, at the least, the extra things without the same console and controllers. Nope! But, at least we still have one. We can always pay for a new set of extras for it down the road. The goal now, keep track of it.

A little review about our SPECTRUM service. [Internet]

Anyone from Montana know of a better internet service? I am sick of Spectrum. They have been the worst people to deal with. Did they sell their soul to the devil for the $20/hr that they make or something? The service you get on call is often inappropriate and very rude. I am over here trying to change for the better and have faith in humanity. Well Spectrum employees talk like they are contestants for SNL or something. Pretty unprofessional, from my experience.

I don’t like the fact that I turned my internet after I got out of the psych ward. But, I hadn’t been allowed home for around a full month. Why would I pay for something I wasn’t sure I would be using. Long story short, they still charged me a full month of service even without the internet. But, that’s due to having the equipment.

Who would have thought that the basic ass equipment they give you is worth $106 a month, even without their service. The net always seemed capped too. Like there was a specific time to use it and a time when to not use it. Then, when calling in to Spectrum, you get a bunch of bot stuff until you get a person. It’s very frustrating when a service provider refuses to work with you. Even if your businesses require the internet. However, after the almost two months I was out of my home; they still charged me for the equipment and I haven’t had a chance to bring it back to the story.

The billing cycle is all weird. It’s like you lose a day each month before the billing cycle happens. I am pretty sure it is every 30 days. So, that alone seems crooked. And this whole post turned into a rant. This is why I would rather just film my life. Then I can capture the whole version of me. I used to be afraid of posting my face. But, nowadays, I just need to accept who I am. Catch every minute of it. That way when I die, I will still be somewhat around for my kids.

Closing Note

Anyway, that’s sort of a reason why I write the way I write. Often times, I will utilize ai. I am a scattered mess with good story ideas and other stuff. I think ai is a good tool with a potentially scary future. I promise to create only the best content possible on plot-pulse. Where the plot can thicken or just be entertaining in the best ways possible.

Either way, I will generate the next story, I am on chapter 2 of it. Going over it after this post. I need to be better at organizing which stories come out when. It’s more of a “Christmas Spirit” type of story. You will see when it releases in a couple of days. The overall goal for those stories is to publish them as books and paste them all as ads at the end of the story posts. Aside from any ads that you might get from WordPress or Jetpack or whoever, you shouldn’t get any ads. Aside from what I might place. Even though, my affiliate marketing game is weak.

Check out a coloring book I made: