What I Could Do Less of…

What could you do less of?

This is a difficult one. I usually don’t want less, I want more.

However, there are habits I could break. Like smoking cigarettes. Smoking has been a nasty habit of mine since I was nine. It has been a choice that I have lived to love but also regret. Quitting smoking requires a ton of patience. Sometimes, I just want a cigarette to watch the smoke. Other days, I want one because I a frustrated. But, most days I just want one during to wanting the bold robust flavor. Like now, as I light one up.

The thing about it is, I am a pack a day person now. When most my life I have been less than that. On average, I used to smoke only about a half a pack. Now that I have five kids, I find myself stressing more, and in turn, wanting more.

This is definitely one of the hardest decisions I have made and become addicted to. I would want to quit but I am not sure how my hands might feel over it.

I have done it so long the there might be a ghost cigarette in my hand that I could flick. I believe in spirit. Maybe cigarettes are my gateway to grounding myself. I just feel like there are much more healthier outlets for me to do. Not just for my bodies sake but for our wallets sake as well.

What’s so good about smoking?

I think it might be the nicotine talking but I like to smoke after a long work day. Or, even finding information I find intriguing. Maybe I got into a heated argument and I just want to sit down and smoke one before going back to apologize.

I suppose it allows me to get a “mental break” from everything just for a few minutes while I smoke.

Either way, I still want to cut back or quit entirely. Not just for me but for my kid’s futures as well. I want to be here for a long time. Show them the world. And in order to do so, I will have to defeat this nasty habit.