Daily writing prompt

What was the last thing you did for play or fun?

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My day started sort of late. I got up around 11:30. Meanwhile, Shay had already been out running errands with the kids. Luckily, I woke up right around the time she wanted me to go out and “pay a few bills” with her. We started with the bank. Then, we made our way to pay off our Rent-a-Center stuff. After, Shay asked if I wanted to go with her to Walmart. I didn’t. I wanted to go do other stuff.

I have been going stir crazy, from being in my house all the time and focusing on the kids and trying to make money doing things, like the post from yesterday explaining “How to make your own coloring book.” So far, nothing has been working. I have been trying everything I can think of to make some kind of money to help take the financial stresses off of Shay. Nothing seems to work properly, but, eventually something has got to give. It’s overwhelming some days knowing that it is “out of my control.”

When things start to get tough, I have to be tougher. Even if some days I can be sitting back being overwhelmed by what to do next. I keep telling myself that things are going to get better. Or, that this is temporary. And honestly, I am not sure how long I can do this and keep wanting to do it. It’s been tough. Between juggling the kids and being a parent, to finding time to try to work on thing efficiently, it’s been a difficult task. To say the least, I am always tired or never really sleeping. And, as I saw back in October, it takes a toll on my mental state.

I am hoping that my writing inspires people, in one way or another. Even though, I sometimes don’t practice what I preach. It sort of gets difficult trying to say that I am trying my hardest without being a “try-hard.” But, I am really trying my hardest to learn everything and apply all the stuff I learn.

I must say this though: “I am proud of myself for not giving up.” Everything adds up at some point. I wish I could do more for my kids and family this time of year. You know? I think as a man, I should be out working somewhere. I should have a paycheck to collect every week or every other week like I used to. I don’t think my body can handle it anymore. Instead of trying to live off of the government or something, I am aimlessly struggling to find any and all things I can do online. As much as I can. And just keep trying. I know my website layout isn’t the best navigation. I tried to fix it a few times. Without the business upgrade, it almost seems unattainable for what I am trying to do.

Eventually, plot-pulse.com will be what I am trying to make it. It’s been a process and endlessly trying to do better than the previous day. Either way, I look at this as “fun,” but, also think there are different forms of production I can do per day. That’s why I try everything in my power to do.

I think this is fun. But, everything can be stressful at the same time. Between trying to finish writing stuff, to consistently attempting to change routines can be exhausting. This is still fun. Even when I could be going out to “get drunk” or something like I used to for fun, I have grown out of that. I don’t need substances to have fun. What I really need is focus and learning. That way, I have something to teach my kids. I don’t want them growing up to make mistakes like I have made. And I will do everything in my power to make informed decisions and practice what I preach. Even if some days are better than others. The best thing I can do is never give up.

What seems even more fun to me is when I have the ability to do things financiaclly free. That sounds much more appealing. For now, it’s all about the grind and the uprising. I want to leave behind a legacy some day. I want to learn how to make it through the “trials and tribulations” effectively to create self-sustainability. And one day, I believe I will be there.

So, I tell myself, suck it up, buttercup. And will continue to have fun struggling. Even if, some things are difficult. The fun part is pushing through it knowing that all the hard work will eventually pay off. Not everything is an instant gratification in life. Right?