The best week for me, well, that would require things to go well.

I might start on a Sunday and actually go to church. I think about it, I just haven’t gone to church in many years. I might actually have a community dinner. I might actually spend needed time with my children without something coming up or getting put into a bad mood. I might actually invest a little money in something and it turn into dollars instead of pennies. Then, after, go hit up a casino and win for once.

Maybe, if it started that way, I might actually put some faith into myself. Know it will be okay. Instead of telling myself that as things go into the drain time and time again. Maybe, I might just wake up with a will to want to do better than yesterday and keep my word.

Maybe, on Monday, I will actually wake up and want to do tasks that have been needing to be done for a year. Then after, I continue to work the grind and things go my way. No more sitting here not knowing what to do next. Even though it wouldn’t matter because things are going my way, I could do what I wanted and it work. I could imagine that the routine would be similar to the last. Well, that’s how my life is. I basically have no routine, am not well kempt but I am on a constant grind.

Whether it is this or any other method of trying to build a following or something online, I grind. I skate. What do you expect? I am on the grind since I was a kid.

Tuesday, well Tuesday there might be tacos. That’s the thing right? Shay might be off. But, I only get to look forward to questioning where she is all the time. Even though she says it will be “really quick” when she leave. I have a good time trying to figure that out on my own. Mind’s not even cooperating. Then I usually get distracted. A good Tuesday might be that I wouldn’t have to wonder.

Wednesday might be similar to Tuesday. Hell, even Thursday might be just as good if it weren’t for the constant wondering. Even though I should trust her, it is difficult when I get ignored or calls aren’t answered for several hours in a row. I could be in a better position if it weren’t for this. I know it. I think the perfect week might look opposite to this. For real though, I cannot stand being home all the time. It is expected of me. I am here for the kids but when she takes her time everywhere and holds me back from doing basic stuff like working, it makes my life difficult. That’s why I am trying everything I can. From writing here, to posting everywhere, to creating communities, to investing with money I already had invested, to gambling it. I am to a point where life keeps throwing me curveballs.

Do I give up?

No. I don’t. I want to. Even with her. But, if by Wednesday or Thursday that stuff stopped, I could focus. And when I am focused, I am unstoppable. I could focus on writing or creating stuff. My computer is a powerful tool. I just don’t have capitol. I can’t focus on fixing stuff because there is distractions. Kids, girl, social media, and the sorts. It all distracts. I think my overall perfect week would be something that has little distraction and allows for the focus that I need. I can reach the flow state of mind needed to make things work.

Friday. Well, on Friday, I would have made money to do a bit of shopping for things to get me into a better place financially. I may not make money overnight, yet. But, eventually things are going to fall into place. Amazon KDP, creative stuff I do, finances, and relationship stuff, if all of that was in a better position for a week, I would do better. I have no issue with trying but thoughts are a distraction. The perfect week has no distraction, no worries. I think the perfect week would end with me finally seeing a bit of success. One week it will happen.

And, by the Saturday, I would feel confident enough for Shay to tell her job that she can quit and do it. Give them her two week notice. And plan that Sunday to do things we have only dreamt of. Like seeing the pyramids of Egypt, or, anywhere really. There are many places on my bucket list. Personally, I want to see the world and learn about it in the process. The internet lies too much. I don’t know how people are or how they live. Other than what I can see online or T.V. And all of that is not something to trust. I want to do the best I can in life. And by then end of the week, I might actually have success.

Sunday, I would be financially secure. I would be able to provide for my family and travel to see the world. And, I would stop and think. That very next Sunday, I would look up to God and say “Now, I see why. Why everything was as it was”. I would be able to thank God. I would be able to say “Thank you for showing me why I was forsaken”. I would be able to say grace and it actually mean something. I could understand myself and actually like myself for once. I want to be grateful. I practice it. Even though life has been rough for me. Usually, it is because I think things will actually be good for me. But, often times, it leads to being the same, broken. Like when good things happen for me. Something seems to happen to mess it up. Take any money I or my family has and run.

It’s not just me that I want to have a good week. A perfect week. It is the world. Even the people who have nothing to live for. I know the feeling. I think life sucks. That’s just my honest opinion. But, it might get better. It might not. My best advice is to pay attention to everything being a choice. When you understand that your choices impact your mood. Things can improve rather quickly. You have to watch your own interactions and how you react. Improve from there. If you don’t, you can literally watch yourself going from a good mood to a bad one rather quickly. And, if you were to have a perfect week, it will definitely look different than mine.

There is a lot to happen within a week. But, I mostly overall, don’t wish for my own perfect week. I want things to actually get better with everything. My life hasn’t been easy. It’s not been exactly difficult comparing to others I have seen. I just know this… Keep going forward. Hoping for things to eventually get to where I want to be before I die. And, I think that is my goal. Week, month, year, or a lifetime. Just get to where everything is good already. Right?

Anyway, thank you for your time. It’s a precious currency in any language. Because age has a way of taking when it wants.